Emotional Turmoil

I'm very happy that Facebook is up and about.I hope it will develop into the kind of support , Aviva had in mind, when I initially agreed to create this blog.

You have all got me thinking,about many things, particularly, on the relationship, communal, and hashkafic levels.

Shira, I have the same dilemma you have. Bh, my wife is very open and understanding, and we believe in keeping the lines of communication open, but she is always sending me mixed messages.
On the one hand we have spoken about it numerous times. We always go for manicures (clear polish, obviously lol), pedicures, and eyebrow waxings together. She loves the fact that I go shopping with her in the mall for clothing, handbags, jewelry, cosmetics, and hygiene supplies. Whenever I go to sheitl salon or make-up stores, she says, its great to have a girl-friend, most men would be bored to death and have no patience for this.Then she tells me whimsically, “just remember I’m the queen bee. You aren’t getting a fallor an outfit or nice shoes, until I get a Human Hair sheitl or a new suit. If you want to have your lil fantasies, that’s fine, but at my expense. “

Seriously though, She is always saying things like, anyone can dress up and play Purim, but I would love for you to see what a period feels like just once, never mind child-birth. You could never survive that. I was dicussing linen wraps and eyebrow-shaping, the other day, when suddenly she tells me I understand you are curious how the other half lives but don’t get carried away. I want a real man. Or she says, don’t worry you can go to the best mak-up artist in the world you will still have all the annoying male characteristics. You still think like a guy.

Over Shabbos, we had a minor tiff. She told me that I need a shower. When I replied, half-kidding, that I could use a relaxing bath with Channel splash-on, she got annoyed and said stop with the faggy-talk My wife isn’t as annoyed as I thought she would be about my shaving most of my body-hair. She just remarked in passing, “I love fuzz, someone as annoying and frustrating as you needs all the cute-appeal you have, you’re a man, just be happy with that and enjoy the benefits.. “.

So basically, this causes me intense, internal turmoil.. Do I suppress what makes me very happy, and gives me the most menuchas hanefesh, for my wife’s sake. In order for her to be calm, relaxed, and possibly happy, albeit only externally.

Or do I completely embrace my inner feelings, when we are alone in the privacy of our house. This way I am pretty sure that I can provide genuine love and affection, radiate complete inner peace.

Similarly, in regards to Avodas Hashem, I realize that there is the obvious issur of Lo Tilbush. But it is my understanding from a perfunctory reading of the Bais Yoseif, Ramah, Rambam, Smag, Chinuch, and other sources, that the main issur is to mingle with women for the purpose of Znus. So for the sake of this conversation, lets say that one is only CD-ing in the privacy of one’s bedroom.

Aside from this, should one endeavor to always suppress ones feelings and emotions in order to hear Krias HaTorah, dav with a minyan, go to a shiur, learn Torah in the best possible way, and have access to Tzibbur-related mitzvos and communal activities, even if this results in depression. We know from Chasidishe seforim, that one can only grow in Ruchnius and Avodas Hashem thru Simcha. Depression is the antithesis of this and will cause a big Yerida, instead. Or should one embrace who they are, and acknowledge their emotions and feelings, especially if it causes you be Shtark bSimcha, and have calm, peace and tranquility.

As a result of this, one obviously has significantly less Torah, quantitively, but perhaps more qualitatively. I would sincerely like to hear Esti’s feelings and experiences in this regard.

The point can be made that one doesn’t do aveiros to be happy. So on this matter, as I said earlier, could be the issur is only when it is for purposes of znus. And pursuing taivos and desire, as opposed to adjusting a total emotional state...