Shabbos was Wonderful

I must say the past Friday night was a real rush. I was feeling particularly, down, because I read so much online about CrossDressing, and check a few very good forums, but I was still seriously procrastinating. Partially, due to the time,but there is also sthing, that needs to be done, learn, davern, eat, sleep, check the endless amt of blogs, orums, chatrooms, etc...They can be really addictive. Not to many thousands of really cool sht to see online. I could spend all my waking hours, just cleaning and organizing my home. But you have to prioritize, really.

Here I am in the same gringy black pinstriped suit, wrinkled up white shirt, very far-hungert tznipsl (I think thats yeshivish-yiddish or dorm-speak for a very blase tie that seen better days) . Scratched up ecco loafers, that are eechhh, theyll do. Just feeling and looking at these clothes, really depressed me more then usual. It might be easy, to just make the internet the culprit, like everyon does in my circles. They blaim the internet on everything from a bad hair day, to a bad economy, to the theoretical Shidduch crisis ( doesnt it just stink when you got to have a Porshe and you barely have enuf $ for a 10 yr old run-down VW), to the reason for the turmoil thruout the world. However, to be totally honest, these strong desires and feelings were very much a part of me long before this was an internet, or even home computers, so I dont know.

Will blogs such as this, and other cyberfriends that dont make me feel like the lone sicko, propel me to embrace a CD lifestyle, possibly Transition, or was I anyway just doomed to snap, if I tried to just bottle it up and deny it for life.

I suppose at the end of the day, if someone is hearing-impaired Chas V Shalom, do they reject a hearing aid, or treatment, so theyll hear Loshon Hara, I dont know..

So anyway, I was determined to go for it, or at least privately until I did more research on social interaction. Afterall, this is potentially suicidal. Were not talking non-jewish open-minded club-hopping chicks in So-Ho, that might accept it after a fashion, especially if they were snorting, lol... But I could never feel comfortable or relate to such ppl. As I have been hermetically sealed in an intensely, closeminded, insulated suburb way upstate NY, for over 20 yrs. Im not complaining, dont get me wrong, I love the sweet, lovely BY girls very much, and feel infinitely closer to them, than I would to any Goy, even a very nice, open-minded, accepting one.

That why, as much as I am literally dying to go out enfemme, it requires tremendous research, and planning, so that I dont scare or freak anyone out.

Before Shabbos, I had a very nice bubble-bath, Jean Nate beads, it was heavenly. I want to remove the thick growth of hair on my legs, and chest, but havn't decided whether its better to use a plain razor and cream, or something such as Nair or Veet. One apprehension, I suppose is that, it might cause suspicion at a men's mikva. I guess, I can go to a small quiet one, at a time when no one is there, or just say that I shaved it all off, for bicycle-racing and swimming purposes. For the time being, I guess, nude pantyhose, is out, even though that is my favorite hade and texture, so I will stick to black, navy blue, and off-white/ivory-opaque.

I splashed on Chanel #5, and it was a very exhilarating feeling.My choice for the evening was a very nice black suede suit, with strips across the jacket and golden-swirl buttons, with matching black corderoy skirt. I can not even begin to describe the total state of euphoria, I felt. Never dreamed I could have such strong feelings of ectasy alone. It was an incredible high.

Then I shaved very meticulously for a change, applied beard cover, which works incredibly better then I thought it would, very good foundation, blush, rose lipstick (it really does pay to get the good stuff), mascara, eye-liner, and a lil rouge for just the right color.

Finally, the piece-de-resistance was a Georgie Eurpoean HH Farra Mono..




I was astonished that I looked better then the majority of the women in the neighborhood.My main dilemma, though is the voice. There is one girl a block or two away, that can't talk, and appears to sign, I think. So it occurred, to me to do likewise, but I would never want to bump into her, and she might think, she has a new 'friend' just like her. Since I'm really not, I would really awful about such an awkward situation, especially since a very nice girl like that, who already has her share of challenges is the last person whose feelings I would want to hurt, albeit unintentionally. There are numerous things mentioned on various forums about voice-training and the like,I wonder if it really works, and how long it takes.

SM, or anyone else, how have you dealt with this issue. Another matter, that is bothering me somewhat, is what do you do if you make a close female friend, and then the new-you, or occasional-you, disapears for several weeks. Do you avoid making such friends, or just say you travel out of town a lot, or something like that.

I am really trying to go for this look...






Thanks for all your help...


For those with beard problems...